I Am: The Nose

I gotta get away from this idiot, Kovalev. I'm sick of seeing him when I look in the mirror every day. All he does is use me to sniff things, and some of them smell absolutely vile. He never returns any favors to me, even though I am such a large part of his life. He takes me for granted, and I think the only time he ever pays attention to me is when he picks me. I'm going to hop off this guy's ugly face and hide so he never finds me again.

I look like something, right? I'm tan in color and I look sort of like a pyramid. I bet I could hide in a batch of baked bread, and no one would ever find me. That's what I'll do--I'll sniff about a batch of cooking bread and hide in the container that the baker uses to preserve that bread. Let me just wait till this jerk falls asleep, and I'll get outta here!

Kovalev's asleep now, and I'm out the door! I remember that barber, Ivan, saying that his wife loves to cook bread, so I'll go find his vault of bread and chill in there forever.

Yes! I've arrived. It's really nice and dark in this barrel. I'm safe.

Oh God! This idiot barber Ivan just picked me up and is about to cut me! I better take off my disguise as a piece of bread and reveal myself as a nose. Wait! Where is he taking me?! Out the door, down the street, on top of the bridge: he's going to throw me off! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Splash.

I died that day, but I came back in my next life as a new form of nose--a governmental officer for the Nose Governmental Society. Every day I would ride in my carraige and be escorted by my nose-serfs around town, but one day I saw my previous owner, Kovalev, and he recognized me and approached me. He complained and asked me to get back on his face, so I got in my carraige and told my slave-serfs to book it out of there.

A couple days later, I started to hear announcements about my wanted status. A police officer busted down the door to my Nose Palace, came in, and shot me. He brought me back to Kovalev as dead as a doorknob. Everything after that was a blur. I came back in my next life as my original state of nose--the regular one people take for granted all the time. I was back on Kovalev's face, and I was doomed to a life of sniffing and getting picked on (literally) every day. );